mixed up emotions stirring in me. i dunno what to do or say or think anymore. i feel like im so clueless and like so screwed up. like in a maze with no clues, with no signs, with no one.

guilt.
apologetic.
disappointed.
heartbroken.
pissed off.
in love.
friendships strong.
friendships dying.

if only there was a way to know what was going on.

i feel like im on a road with no traffic lights, with no signs, with no street lights. alone in the junction of the road and clueless of where to go. my senses tell me one thing and the facts tell me another. im feeling so mixed up right now.

i miss my old friend. but somehow i cant say it right. cuz no matter how i put it, how i try to be frank, i end up hurting her or offending her. i wan us to be like how we were back then, but i just dunno what to say, how to say, when to say, where to say. i wanna be frank, to keep nothing from you. but i end up offending you. i seriously have no skills what so ever in these kind of things. i dunno how to put it. but i really hope you understand, even though im not making sense. i miss you old friend, i really do. i hope you understnd me. i hope you really do.

you and the same shallow species. just like any other. i thought you were different, but you are all just alike. oh well. i guess im used to disappointments, i guess im used to crashing my hopes. but each time it happens, it still hurts. just because you do it over and over, doesnt mean it hurts less. straighten up dude. nan ren kao de zhu, mu zhu hui shang shu. (man can depend on, mother pig can climb tree) direct translation. my mom teach me one. SO right man.

PAUSE! oh my goodness weilun is so poor thing. i pity him la. he loves her like so damn much. like SOOmuch!!!! i feel his pain man. hahaha. drama! YOU JUMP I JUMP. kanasai. YOU JUMP I HAPPY! quit raping her man. sickindemindddd. alamak. show finished.

youre so damn nice, but somehow... i just cant.

ok ok. so my post doesnt really make any stupid sense. but i dont really care. my miid is probably disfunctioning by the massive amounts of caffine.



when will we get the awaited answers?
now we're just in a pool of questions.

when will we see the big picture?
now we're just seeing the fragments.

when will we truly understand?
now we're drowned in doubts.

when will we stop questioning the other party?
now we have no faith in them.

when will we learn to trust?
now we're digging up their dirty lil secrets.

when will i stop asking questions?
now cuz i gtg STUDY.


i really wonder. what goes through in your mind.
cuz in mine, its you. all the time.
free me.

life is like a see saw.
one moment youre high up, looking out to the world,
next thing youre way down, and the world looks down on you.